last wednesday, i woke up to find that my sister had already gone to the airport for her flight to manila. i swore under my breath in fear that my grandmother would hear me while i silently ate my breakfast, thinking of how much i missed my sister already. she left and i didn't even get to say goodbye. it's not like she's not coming back or anything (well, not yet anyway). in fact she got back earlier today. i just miss her. life is just... incomplete.
the past few days since then have gone by in a blur - a mixture of happiness and sadness. you see she went to manila for her visa interview. the good thing, it got approved and she's leaving. the bad thing, she's leaving soon. very soon. when i found out, i have to admit that i was so happy for her. i was even happy for me. it meant, obviously, more money and crap. but on the way home, the public vehicle got caught up in traffic. (the darn traffic in carmen!) so we got stuck in the middle of carmen bridge. i couldn't help but look out and watch the birds fly, the river flow, the people going about in their business. how could it be that everything seemed so normal? couldn't the world sense what a big impact this is? (ok, it's pretty small compared to the entire world.) then thoughts of what i'd say or do when she'd finally leave drifted into my goddamn brain and hit me - my sister's going away and she won't be around. anymore. for a long time. wow. tears welled up in my eyes and waterfalls seemed to suddenly materialize beneath my eyes. god, that was embarrassing! people all around me were beginning to stare. perhaps they even thought i was freaking out over some break up. geez.
every day has been pretty much like that. i cry. i cry at home, i cry in front of friends, i cry in public places. period. i cry. i can't help but feel this immense emptiness growing bigger and faster as each day passes, each day that gets me closer to her actual departure. how then am i supposed to go on like this?
no more midnight snacks, no more pig-out sessions, no more haircut trips with both of us getting so excited over uber-short hairstyles, no more talks about everything under the sun. no more of so many things. i am alone.
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